It was one December afternoon and I was thinking I should finally get around doing some Christmas cookies as I was way behind this year. The Christmas tree was up since two days before and later that day it even started to snow. I put on my all-time favorite Christmas album – you know, that kind that only when you play it, it really IS Christmas. It was all too perfect.
And suddenly, I felt an unexpected burst of happiness inside me.
Truth is, despite being a Christmas freak almost all of my life, the last couple of years I was suffering throughout the time that was supposed to be the best time of year. It used to be the best time of year – Christmas was all that’s the year been about really – about getting to Christmas. At least that’s how I’ve always felt it, that’s how it’s always been regarded in my family.
Well, not in the last few years.. not for me anyway.
But something has changed now. As I was listening to the songs I had been listening to ever since I was a kid, performed by my favorite singer in the world (and by the way my first celebrity crush ever), I finally felt that warm feeling of… HOME.
I looked back at the year that was coming to its end. And I looked back at the past ten years. And I realized the feeling of home wasn’t brought so much by the Christmas songs nor the whole Christmas vibe. Those only helped me realize something that occurred on much deeper level throughout the year.
I was feeling home because I finally re-connected with the girl inside me, whom somehow I lost throughout my twenties and in all the mess that my life has become.
But here I was, and I felt connected to her now more than ever before. I realized that this girl that I used to be many years ago, is actually my true self. It’s the girl who’s always been called the ‘cheerleader’ by her friends. The girl who was said to have so much life optimism and love for life that it was contagious.
This girl was light-hearted. Kind-hearted. And wasn’t troubled by anything too much. She was happy on the inside. The kind of happiness that did not come from anything in the outside world, nor from anyone, but from herself. From her hunger for life. From her stubborn belief in better tomorrows and her dreams.
Yes, she was the girl who believed in her dreams even if she had no idea how to reach them. She just knew somehow she will because well, that was the only way and she wouldn’t let anyone argue that. She was the girl with a sparkly imagination, full of hope. And she was sharing this hope with others, always trying to cheer them up and make them believe in themselves and their dreams, too. And to make them see the better side of things – or to at least laugh about them.
I don’t know how I lost her, but I did and it’s been a long journey since. First of all, I did not know she was missing. I started to believe she never actually existed. Or persuaded myself that she was fake. Naive. Silly. Whatever. Just not fit for the real world.
When I was told not so long ago, by a new friend of mine, that I have a contagious joy about life and have a positive, fun and uplifting personality, I thought I must be doing something right at last! Because that’s what I’ve used to be told. Before. Long time ago. And for the first time, in many year, I spotted that girl that’s been missing.
However, it wasn’t until that afternoon that it really hit me. I was MYSELF again. I have reached my destination. I was finally connected with my true self on the deepest level possible. And it felt so damn good. I was overwhelmed with emotions… and happiness. I was touched. And I was so proud and grateful. Grateful for not giving up and pulling through all the confusion and pain and misery that my life has become. Because I DID make it back home. And I couldn’t quite believe how or where I found the strength cause it’s been a journey so painful, I wouldn’t wanna take it again.. But luckily, I made it through. And that feeling is everything. That feeling is pure happiness. Happiness that no one can ever take away from me – not ever again. I won’t let it.
Nor am I gonna let this girl go away. Not again. I’m not gonna let her disappear. Because life without her has been too painful. And seeing her again has been like meeting with a long-lost friend – a deeply missed friend. A friend you never thought you might meet again.
It was a long journey, but I finally arrived and that feeling was everything. However, I wasn’t alone on that journey and I couldn’t have done it alone in fact. There’s been a lot of people that’s been part of it. Some perhaps were more of detours, but in the bigger picture, they all pushed me in the direction I was to take.
Some of those people were my friends, some mere acquaintances. And some of them have been great spiritual & self growth teachers who inspired me and helped me to carry on via their powerful talks or books (hello, all the Hay House people!).
Yet, I know how hard it is to get to this point where you feel home within yourself and find your true happiness. Which is why I am going to share with you some of the most powerful tools that helped me on my own journey, so they can help you, as well.
In 2019, I’ll be putting together a coaching program that will help you find your true happiness and find your way home. And yes – movies are gonna be part of it too, so don’t you worry – it’s gonna be a fun one 😉
So stay tuned. 2019 is gonna be your happy year. I promise.
I wish you all fantastic Christmas and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your continous support.
Lots of Love to you all.